Sometimes the most honest lines end up on the cutting room floor. I tried my hand at writing headlines for a handful of random “brands” with some peer suggestions.
Heinz Yellow Mustard
- Put some mustard on it.
- You don’t like it, but you’ll still buy it for your barbecue.
- Can’t draw a hot dog without mustard.
- Still more popular than Heinz relish.
- The little brother is usually cuter.
- Not quite Squirt, not quite Sprite!
- “We have Sierra Mist, is that alright?”
- Better than Faygo.
- Try mixing us with lemonade!
- Makes for pretty alright chaser.
- Nobody was actually eating Tide Pods until the mainstream media reported it.
- Seriously, it was a harmless meme before the normies got ahold of it.
- Then kids knew they’d get views if they ate detergent.
- Even Gronk wouldn’t eat one.
- Keep out of reach of normies.
- ‘Member Dogtown? We ‘member.
- Damn, Daniel. It’s been like 5 years since “Damn, Daniel”
- Arch support is overrated.
- Hang out with your friends at the mall.
- Party like it’s 2007.
- Can’t talk to your family without us.
- We have our own prison.
- Hold on to our tin cans.
- So we’re cool with talking snakes, but Xenu is too far fetched?
- We still have Tom Cruise.
- Go ahead, set a ball on the ground.
- Round Earthers voted for Trump.
- Don’t believe everything you were told in school.
- Kyrie and B.O.B. can’t BOTH be wrong.
- See the world in 180 degrees.
University of Washington
- Seattle is a real city.
- You couldn’t even get in.
- What was your high school GPA?
- It doesn’t matter if it was only a “share”, 1991 champs!
- Bark, bark, bark, bark, bark