On John Mayer’s Sunday night Instagram Live show, Current Mood, John sat down with Andy Cohen to talk about his exes, and finally reveal his third nipple to the world.
The whole bit began with JM trying to come up with things for the internet to pick up and write blogs about. Andy suggested that he should talk about an ex-girlfriend, and after jokingly whispering Katy Perry’s name a few times, the duo moved on to the nipple talk.
As John lifted his shirt to show off his supernumerary nipple (technical term), Andy complimented him for joining the ranks of other multi-nipped celebs like Marky Mark Wahlberg. John must have still had ex-girlfriends running through his subconscious mind, because shortly afterwards he let it slip that he was the “lucky one.”
With this statement, John finally confirmed one of my long-running theories that he is in fact the subject of Taylor Swift’s pop hit, “The Lucky One.” The fact that John flat out admitted as much is evidence enough for me, but that surely won’t stop me from presenting the rest of my argument.
All the proof is right there in the song itself. “The Lucky One” is about a subject arriving in LA and trying to make it in the music industry.
New to town with a made up name
In the Angel city, chasing fortune and fame
The subject becomes disillusioned by the realities of fame, and escapes the rat race for a quieter, peaceful life.
It was a few years later, I showed up here
And they still tell the legend of how you disappeared.
How you took the money and your dignity, and got the hell out
The song even alludes to run-ins with paparazzi, much like how John became a perennial tabloid darling early in his career.
And your secrets end up splashed on the news front page
The most damning line in the whole song that unequivocally confirms that JM makes up at least a piece of the subject is one that almost directly refers to how he bought land out in Montana to focus on his music and sanity.
They say you bought a bunch of land somewhere,
The speaker knows the subject’s meteoric rise firsthand, but also empathizes with their disillusionment and considers that they were right to get out when they did.
‘Cause now my name is up in lights,
But I think you got it right,
So, we have a direct acknowledgement from John, and we have textual evidence, but what about a critical analysis? Yep. We have that too.
Later in the same nipple-centric episode of Current Mood, John sat down with SNL starlet/producer extraordinaire/most popular person in music right now, Maggie Rogers. JM did a deep-dive into Maggie’s songwriting style. He lamented about how easy it is for songwriters to usually write about being scorned in love. When he talked about the song “Fallingwater,” he complimented Maggie on her ability to write, “beneath the anger.”
As I sit in my conspiracy dungeon, connecting red strings from one pin to another, it’s also interesting to note that Maggie recently released a cover of Swift’s break out hit, “Tim McGraw.” Which brings us back to T-Swizzle.
“Dear John” is Taylor Swift’s more heavy-handed and well-known song about JM and their very public breakup, and John didn’t mince words in 2012 when he called it “cheap songwriting.”
You paint me a blue sky
And go back and turn it to rain.
And I lived in your chess game,
But you changed the rules every day.
He clearly sees a song like “Dear John” as the easy version of speaking about love and life experience. Granted, Swift was, as she noted in the song, “too young,” but even when she hinted at personal responsibility in the relationship, she turned it immediately back to JM.
Well maybe it's me and my blind optimism to blame.
Maybe it's you and your sick need to give love then take it away.
So, what’s the damn point?
This is absolutely not a Taylor Swift slander blog. And it never will be. I will rave about her writing prowess until the end of time, and it’s clear that John and Maggie both recognize her talents. I’m simply glad to confirm, once and for all, that “The Lucky One” is about John, and that John might even be able to recognize it as an example of evolution across Taylor’s discography.